A Few thoughts on AP parenting

I hang out with people at various locales, that I would describe as "mainstream". in other words, picking up "what to expect" and thinking that its accurate. its not. Or picking up Ferber, and implementing his method of "sleep training".

So, if one cares to, you can look back on posts where Kiera was a baby and I was flipping out because I was trying the CIO method and I didn't know if I should do it or not. And really, if I am perfectly honest, she was not an easy CIOer. There are some babies who respond to Ferber/Ezzo and the baby falls perfectly in line with what they are "suppose" to do, which is "self soothe" and go to sleep. Mine however, was not one of those. And neither would Kalista be for that matter. Kiera would cry for like two hours and I *left* her thinking I was doing the right thing. Now I am still full of guilt, thinking only because of how terrifying it must have been for her to be in a dark room by herself with no one coming. The other thing I found out is that yes, they do fall asleep, but no, its not a good sleep. its a "stress" sleep, which means its not as restful. It goes against every fiber of her instinct to *survive*, so even though I knew she was okay, she didn't.

I won't lie. These past 20 months have been long. Kalista is also not a good sleeper, though I have approached it decidedly different. I did things to help her sleep, and I started to "train" her off of needing me to sleep and at night to nurse, but I can finally say that she is more or less sleeping through the night. and I made it without resorting to letting her scream herself to sleep.

I am doing this because it is good for *her*. because in some ways, the CIO method worked for Kiera. I mean, she was STTN at around 9 months without much of a fuss. but you know when she was around 14 months she refused to let me comfort her, even though I stayed with her in her room while she cried. It was awful. I feel like she distrusted me so completely that she wouldn't let me comfort her even when I changed my mind and said screw this, she is a BABY and I am THE MOTHER and even though it SUCKS, I am doing it for the sake of my child. I thought Kiera wasn't that cuddly, but in fact she was/is. She is very touchy child and I missed out on baby cuddles because of notions of how babies should be independent and reliable.

So I am proud of myself. It has been a struggle with Kalista and I feel like I will forever need to make it up to Kiera, because there can be life long effects from having cortisol spike in your brain and the ability to deal with stress. That is what I am telling myself, that I did it for my child.

Now of course, that begs the question, can I do this again, seriously? I know some people talk about how much sleep they get APing, but when I had to get Kalista out of my bed because cosleeping was clearly no longer working for her, it has been a long time. Not only that, those lovely hormones that breastfeeding gives you that literally synchronize waking times with your baby have recently run out. THANK GOODNESS SHE IS SLEEPING. and that is all I have to say about that...

So yes, that mean that Kalista is still breastfeeding. I am only 4 months short of my goal :)


Onto other things. Kiera has become our snow bunny. I told my mom about it who was not surprised at all. The week prior to Kiera's birth my mom saw my stomach and how it rolled and rolled and how Kiera was really such an active baby it was crazy. So we put her in gymnastics and she is suppose to go to the advanced class for her next round. She was invited. And she has gone skiing a grand total of 3 times and is now suppose to be in Stage 3, after only one day of doing stage 2. ITS CRAZY. I didn't know my kid was that good, but apparently so.

She keeps talking about moving to Japan, Doug is suppose to leave the middle of March. not looking forward to that part that is for sure.

Kalista....ahhhh Kalista. She is our serious drama queen. She has all ready started behaviours that took quite a while for Kiera to start. She is all ready hitting and then when I correct her "no hitting, hitting hurts", she bursts into tears as if I was the one doing the hitting. She has started to say "bad!", because one of Kieras favourite things is currently "BAD MOMMY, Youre a BAD MOMMY!" and bad sister and bad daddy, etc, etc. She cries every day around 5 for around 10 minutes, its pretty much like clock work.

Kiera.....is all ready displaying many signs of being 4 even though that is a few months off. HOLY ATTITUDE BATMAN. Of course, its not unlike looking in a mirror at myself 24 years ago. I remember doing that and it was a combination of annoyance of being told what to do and that I hated screwing up and having to BE told what to do. I hated being less than perfect, how screwed up is that eh? So she insults me in her best almost 4 year old manner, which I try and correct every time, but I gotta tell ya, somedays I just want to pull out my hair at how many times I need to say things. No, I have not resorted to punishment in case you were all wondering. somedays I would *like* to as I have a deep desire for vengeance that I squelch. most of the time. But there is no doubt, she can be a bit of a handful and quite exhausting to parent. I am indeed getting my "payback" from my growing up years and also being labelled a difficult child. so I am going to try really hard to NOT label her as difficult, because she does very well in other settings when I am not in charge (though she doesn't do that fantastic for my friend Abbi, poor Abbi....)

So that is our current life in a nutshell. here are ski bunny pics: