The happy grad 

all of us -1 

Auntie Meags 

I am a big girl now! 

okay okay I am back

I figured everyone has JUST seen her, so there wasn't much to tell. but now there is stuff to tell, so here I am.

We went to Meags grad, and we left on Tuesday taking the bus. she slept for the first bit, which is what I planned and then started to screech toward the end. I let her crawl up and down the aisle, but she was getting so DIRTY that I wouldn't let her do it anymore. she must have eaten like 6 cookies. I just wanted to make her happy and I would do anything basically.

We got to Edmonton and Bentley was OVERJOYED to see us. I thought his butt was going to fall off for wagging his tail so hard. he is so cute. I love having a dog. I mean, who else loves you and acts so excited to see you when you've been gone for 10 minutes?

A sitter was still not found when I got there and we called Anna, Colettes friend and she came through. that was good. I wasn't sure how I felt about having a baby with me at a dinner where I was hoping to converse like and adult and not have to try and make a screeching baby happy. I did have to bring her to the actual ceremony, where she did good and actually clapped her hands when she was suppose to and looked at the screen for Auntie Meags. She sat in her stroller and on my lap and ate Cheerios and flirted with anybody who would look at her, and wave of course.

Meags looked ravishingly beautiful of course. she wore this ORANGE dress, and I mean, who can get away with orange except Meags? the best part was her running shoes that she wore with the dress most of the day. but her dressier shoes were bought for 20 bucks and then she made them orange to match. there is no way I could have done that. I can't dye anything to save my life.

After the grad party, we had to go and pick up Kiera and put her in the car and drive her around again. she was none to pleased. but she did all right and fell asleep as soon as I put her down again in our room. but I gotta say, not a big fan of the INCREDIBLY early mornings. Because its so far north, its like light there at 4am I swear. so she was up at 545 the first few mornings. and could I ignore her? no. because she was sleeping at the end of my bed.
We had a good visit with memere and grandmemere both. Kiera loved the backyard and would romp in it as much as she wanted. she would ask to go outside and play. this made me think maybe suburbia isn't SO bad with these HUGE yards and all. And Bentley loved it too, being able to run around for as long as he wanted.
We got home on Saturday after a thankfully uneventful flight where she didn't sleep, just demanded Cheerios and more food.
The cutest thing she did though, was when her daddy came home. Basically every day we were gone she would demand to see Doug's picture. there is a picture of us on our wedding day in both grandmas houses. She would say DADA and I would take her over there and she would wave and smile at the picture and click her heels together. So when Doug walked in the door on Sunday she was beside herself with happiness. She grinned so hugely and put her head on her shoulder being "shy" but she went to Daddy so happily and snuggled into his chest and immediately began talking to him about the past couple of weeks. Daddy of course was extremely pleased with the whole thing.
Nana, which I THINK is what we are going to call Doug's mum, is here for the week because she fell ill whilst travelling around the country. Barry keeps trucking and she plans to catch up with him when she can. Its been great having her as my kitchen has been magically CLEAN everyday! WOW!
Last night, she did the funniest thing. Doug put her about 4 steps from the couch and from me and let her go. She walked all the way over without much thinking about it. well we were all watching her and go all excited. she THREW herself on to the floor and starting CRYING about it. like head on the ground, super upset. I am not sure if she was upset because we were laughing at her or if she got scared because of our reaction. but regardless, we all kept laughing at her apparent distaste for our reaction. funny baby.
I think she has also weaned herself unfortunately. I am a bit sad about this as I was/am not ready for it. no more morning cuddles with mum anymore. she is growing up MUCH to fast in my estimation.

Yesterday we booked our trip to Egypt and I am beyond excited. We are not taking Kiera, we are leaving her with grandparents and taking off. I am not sure how I am going to do that far away from her for that long. but I guess I will find out. I am pretty sure that when I have baby #2, these offers from grandparents are going to dry up pretty quick! I am also excited, because maybe that means that I will be travelling business again, which I had not expected to do for a VERY long time!

Racism and Prejudice

Okay so I have stuff on my mind and I am going to blog about it. This is a blog that I will actually get feedback on, so here it goes.


There is a new movie out called Crash. Apparently an interesting discourse in racial relations. These are my thoughts:

On a show called Starting Over there is a black woman saying the most racist statement ever is "I have black friends". I am going WHAT? Why exactly is that BAD?
If you are white, you are constantly on the defense that you ARENT prejudice or racist.

I also think a REALLY stupid statement is "I am colour blind". How unthoughtful is that?

Racial relations are complex and to hard to summarize into single statements. There is a very ugly history between the white Canadians and Natives, they are treated heinously by the government and have tons of preconceptions to deal with by the common person on the street. Its a bit difficult to associate myself with that, because that is part of who I am mix wise, but so far from my daily existence.
The "facts" of race are this: we are like 99% alike. 99%!! that means there is a VERY small iota of difference between me and the blackest woman in Africa and that is the colour of our skin.

I feel that the colour blind statement is ignorant because I will NEVER live in the shoes of a black person or truly native person. I will never know what it is like to be treated a certain way because of many preconcieved notions of who I am. I mean, I guess people have assumptions now, but I dont feel that they necessarily guide my life in any particular direction.

I try and "judge" people on who they are as a person, and if I happen to dislike a Japanese person its because of their person, not their skin.

It is also ignorant of me to suppose that I am free of any prejudice in my own self. I think the media definitely sets it up to assume many things when you see a black man, or now an Arab on the street. do they have a gun? are they terrorists?

When you look a certain way, like say Indian, you probably have a whole culture that does along with it. Or if you are Chinese, you might have a tea ceremony at your wedding. How cool is that? I think that is a really cool part of Canada being able to keep those traditions and adopting the western ones. I kind of feel like Canada doesn't exactly have this set image that helps us define who we are, except that we aren't Americans! But we don't have a lot of specifically Canadian things either. you can most definitely argue that point with me if you'd like.

I don't feel like I am free of all prejudice and assumptions in my life. I am and have always been fascinated with other cultures and places, why do you think I travelled so much? But I also know that when I meet say and Indian doctor on the plane, I might think "he may have had his marriage arranged" and sure enough he did.

Does being a certain race define who you are? no. I met this one guy who was at least 1/4 Korean and he hated to even admit it. I am not sure why. But then I think of myself, and why I hesitate to admit that I am aboriginal too. I think its because I grew up white and I know my birth family is dysfunctional. I feel like I have too much in my life to deal with that. how can I be native when I don't even talk to those that are???

Admitted assumptions about Indians:
That they probably work the working class jobs here in Canada, that they don't have a lot of money and that they live with their whole families.
Things that have shaken that up:
I met an Indian doctor on the plane once. loaded and his education was acceptable to US standards.
I met a lovely lady in the mall who was driving a bugaboo stroller that are worth roughly $700US, you obviously have money to do that. I never asked her if her marriage was arranged!
When I meet someone from Pakistan, I assume they are Muslim. I have since met a Christian.

So any thoughts would be great. I am sure I offended someone, but at least I am being honest.

Mothers Day, et al

I am currently sitting in Calgary hanging out housebound. Its not as if I am constantly on the run at home, but at least I have the OPTION of leaving!

For mothers day Kiera got me a nice card and some flowers. Her daddy didn't get me anything. We went out for lunch where everyone stopped to talk to her and tell her how cute she was. she of course, scarfed everything we gave her to eat. I can't believe how much that child eats.

Doug went to pick up her medical records from our previous pediatrician. I was very annoyed because they refused to release them! how stupid is that? can anyone think of any rational reason why they WOULDNT give them to the parents?! Are we so stupid that we can't read medical records? how stupid.

She has done very cute things since we got here. Yesterday, I showed her the picture of her daddy from our wedding. She started to wave at it and then later she was standing by it waving at it, dancing and saying DADADADADADADA. She went on and on for 5 minutes dancing by her daddys picture.

Then she walked. ohmygosh. I am kinda sad and happy at the same time. my baby walked! She did about 3 steps between grandma and me. I was sad daddy missed it and sad that she is growing up so fast. I wonder how long it will take her to get secure enough to just take off running now.

That is about it from here. Tomorrow I have a wedding and the next week a graduation. its busy, but should be good.

Daddy here it comes! 

Family at the beach 

Grandmother JJ 

It comes and it goes 

Ohh...neat box, can I fit? 

Zephyr 

This is mine, even though its yours 

A dolly for me 

Hmmmmmm 

Whats that? 

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you... 

Oh! MY CAKE!! 

You ain't nothing but a hound dog! 

Party time...

So at long last Kiera had her first official birthday party yesterday, and we all had a GREAT time. At least I did, and I am pretty sure Kiera enjoyed herself as well.
It was a crazy morning. I went grocery shopping the night before while Doug was there for all of the stuff for a barbeque. After she woke up I fed her breakfast and then we decorated for the party. Abby came up from downstairs to help me out, which was great because I am decoratively challenged. Then Kiera went to sleep again, I had a shower, wrapped her gift and as soon as she woke up we were off again. We had to make a stop at the optical store because someone took my glasses off my face and reefed on them really good. I then ran over to Albertsons and got balloons and a card. And one of the balloons randomly popped while I was in the car with it. freaky. Off to Dairy Queen to pick up her cake, which turned out okay. though not as great as I would have liked. we raced home, dropped the cake off and started off the the airport to pick up my friend Daphne from Salt Lake, the plane of course was 10 minutes late!! She started to get MAD MAD MAD, so I stopped off and got some really bad lunch from Wendys for her and on the way home from the airport she put on a GREAT show for Daphne, screeching the whole way home. so I promptly put her in bed. I ran downstairs and starting making my salad, punch, grating cheese, washing lettuce. and thankfully no one came until around 115. when everyone got there, I went and got her out of bed, dressed her up really cute and brought her downstairs. she was very excited about the whole thing. She never actually managed to open a gift, but she liked what she got. First we danced to Hound Dog by Elvis, which she was all into. Then we had lunch, had yummy ice cream cake and then opened gifts. it was really fun. Daddy was very disappointed he could not be there.
Now Daphne is here and is helping me keep my house tidy after my major house clean on Friday. Its really nice having someone to clean up with after a party that is for sure. I now feel like she is officially one. wow. It went so fast.

Mom's group

So this morning I went to mom's group, and I think I committed a faux paux (spxxx???) unintentionally. I heard about them through the newspaper and I talked to the chapter coordinator for my area and she emailed me stuff. I guess I should have read everything through first. In their statement of beliefs or whatever, they say "most moms wouldn't work unless they had to" and "being a mom is a real job". and what did I do this morning? asked this lady what she did before staying home with her son! ha!
Kiera did okay. I am not sure if it was that the kids didn't know her or what. but she was trying to play peekaboo with some other older kids and she was waving at them. And it seemed like all of them were looking at her like she had 3 heads. That made me feel a little bit protective, which is kind of odd for me. I guess I don't want my daughter to be some social outcast. She is all ready outgoing and friendly and I don't want other kids to discourage that about her. I am probably being paranoid.
I am really not interesting in being involved in some mommy wars thank you very much. I am not sure if I even want to keep doing this stay at home gig. Its a very tough job and I pity my own self to think all I have to talk about is my child. thanks but no thanks. If I want to go back to work, I am also not interested in comments from them either. But some of them seemed older and I think they didn't exactly "fall into" it they way I did. They probably deliberately made the choice to leave a career or whatever and don't struggle with it the way I do. I am really glad I got to stay at home with her the first year. But I will also be glad to pursue other things. I suck at keeping a clean house and being overly joyous everytime I put a meal on the table. I don't know. that is where I am at. I also don't want a group of women to judge my parenting skills, like I am a "bad mom" because of whatever I do or don't do. Maybe hanging around with non parents or older parents IS the way to go. I don't know. Type any comments you may have.

Happy Birthday Kiera!

Well we all lived through the first year! Good for us!
A few things that I forgot to mention in my last post. First off, Kiera is FINALLY getting some more teeth. Her top two are coming in. This is making her a rather miserable person to be around. Her nose is runny and her chest sounds all congested and icky. But she had a great nap this afternoon where she slept solidly and woke up jumping up and down in her bed happily. that is fun. she loves doing it and is always happy to see me when she is in a good mood. its much worse when she is cranky.
She also saw the ocean for the first time. I have tons of pictures of that as well that I will post. She was very fascinated by it and I think if we had let her she would have waded in and got soaking wet happily.
We also had a mini birthday party for her with Grandmother JJ, as I think she may now be called. It was kind of impromtu, and shared with her great uncle Kirk. But she stuffed her face with that angel cake happily. And sadly, it will be the only birthday party that daddy gets to see because now he has to work. very sad.
The birthday party is shaping up for Saturday. My friend Daphne is going to be here and pretty much all of our friends here. They all love Kiera, because really, how could you not? :)

U2

Oh yes, that is where we have been. We went to Vancouver, BC, to see Doug and I's favourite band. That is why I have not written.
We had to go all the way there, because all of you live SO FAR away, that was our closest babysitter!
So, some Kiera stories.
Last week, on Wednesday morning, I went and got Kiera and brought her to bed for our usual morning cuddle. Usually daddy is there. He wasn't that morning, but she lifted up the covers on his side of the bed and went BA! She was very disappointed that daddy was not there. Daddy was too.
We got up EXTREMELY early on Friday morning, at 415AM to be exact to head off to Vancouver. Luckily, on the 3 hour flight, she had her own seat. Thank goodness. we were all beat. Doug was functioning on very little sleep because he was out with his buddies the night before we left (WHAT WAS HE THINKING??) Since our seats are never guaranteed, there was NO WAY I was taking the chance of missing that concert.
We got there in very good time, and I realised that I had totally forgotten to pack virtually anything for myself. Off shopping I went, leaving Kiera with daddy. Whilest I was gone, she got very grouchy and screechy. poor daddy.

We got pretty late, around midnight. And we were going to pay the price for our fun, just not then. I was exhausted, as I had not slept very much since the night before and did not sleep on the plane like the other person I was with. For whatever reason, Doug just leaves her with me on the plane and sleeps. its quite aggravating actually. I went to bed and Doug came about an hour later. At 5am, she woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. well, that would be wrong. she was actually REALLY upset and grouchy and nothing seemed to console her. I had her on the trampoline, on the deck and she was still screeching. Doug woke up and came out and starting making her porriage, while I tried to entertain her. We put her to bed to see if she would cry herself to sleep and she didn't. Finally around 645, she fell asleep with us in an exhausted slumber. she would only sleep in my arms.

I must confess, that was probably one of the hardest mornings of parenting for me so far. I was so tired, and there was no one to rescue me from this misery. Now, if I had been at home, I would have just put her in her room and let her cry it out. When she is in that state she is completely inconsolable. But we were at someone else's house, so I couldn't let her keep going like that. I really had to be the adult there and I didn't want to be. I am a bit of a sleep pig because I know myself well enough to know that if I DONT sleep I am a miserable person to be around. and unfortunately, I need more around hours a night. I wish I could get by on less, but if I miss that a lot, I am brain dead and grouchy.
BUT, the good news is Doug was with me and we suffered through it together. If he hadn't been with me and still lying in bed, I would have reading him the riot act and feeling like pummelling him in bed.
When we got home, at thankfully a reasonable hour, I got this letter from my friend who sent me an article from Newsweek I think about marriage after children. It was a VERY interesting discussion that pretty much described my life. It talked about the division of labour and how many women are unhappy with falling into stereotypical roles (no kidding!), and how with each progressive child, the rate of happiness on the woman falls with the marriage. For me, I am trying to strick a healthy balance between being superwoman and just trying to be happy. I am not going to knock myself out with the pursuit of perfectionism in any form. Its too tiring and I want energy for a life outside of my children and my marriage. I am more than a mother and I am going to devote energy to that. Now, if I could just figure out what my vocation is...:)